on being a mom to teenagers.

i am struggling lately.
i am trying to find a balance between
working 40+ hrs a week
and being a mom.
but because i have to do things *my* way
i can't just be a mom
i have to be the *best* mom.
holy heck am i tired.
and guilty.
and so very anxious.
i mean, because:

the girl one starts high school this fall.
next month, actually.
we are trying to get an assignment overseas
but with J being in the reserves and a civilian
it's a lil bit tougher.
a few more hoops to jump through, but i digress.

so she's a freshman.
and fragile in so many ways.
she loves art and anime and her friends.
none of whom will be going to her school.
she loves books about vampires and dragons and mythical creatures.
and girls are mean.
so very mean.
especially to those girls that are different.
like my girl.
so i am super nervous for her.
and nervous for me, because i don't know how
i'll handle it if her little heart is broken



and this one.
this one is going to be a freshman at ASU.
i am so not sure about how i feel about that.
i am sure i am excited for him
but i am also unsure of how he will do.
he is so much like me.
often times moody, but more often looking to find the light.
i worry he will be discouraged,
or worse; lose his light. his passion for what he is going to school for.