on mute.

i don't pick up my camera as much anymore
and it shows.

i need to prioritize
that is my issue.

i'm thinking i need to be more selfish
it sounds horrrible
but i feel myself slipping away
the more i let my hobbies slide.

happy saturday.
i'm headed into work
but you can bet i will be
obsessing about my paints and inks and pictures.
and my CAMERA.

xoxo

shut.up.

i can't believe i haven't updated in so long.
who am i kidding?
yes i can
i'd like to say i've been playing in the sun.

but i really haven't.

life has been confusing and overwhelming.
i sometimes have to remember that i am happy
to be off all those meds ...
but there are times when i am so stuck in emotional mud
that its all i can do to get to tomorrow.
it's all about letting someone down.
always, someone is going to be let down-
most times it's me.
and i guess that's okay
because that's what i do to not have the guilt.

i am not one that deals well with change
if i know what to expect i know how i will deal
ya know?
the past few weeks my schedule has been pretty much
here and there and everywhere and i am not liking it.
i do not deal well with change.

school.
i am waiting to hear if this VA thing will go through.
i may get to go back to school spring 2010...
and it's another thing that gets me all worked up.
i want to do it.
i am excited to go.
i LOVE school supplies.
but i am 33 freaking years old.
& i kinda feel like
"what's the point?".

i dont deal well with change.