Thursday, October 15, 2009

shut.up.

i can't believe i haven't updated in so long.
who am i kidding?
yes i can
i'd like to say i've been playing in the sun.

but i really haven't.

life has been confusing and overwhelming.
i sometimes have to remember that i am happy
to be off all those meds ...
but there are times when i am so stuck in emotional mud
that its all i can do to get to tomorrow.
it's all about letting someone down.
always, someone is going to be let down-
most times it's me.
and i guess that's okay
because that's what i do to not have the guilt.

i am not one that deals well with change
if i know what to expect i know how i will deal
ya know?
the past few weeks my schedule has been pretty much
here and there and everywhere and i am not liking it.
i do not deal well with change.

school.
i am waiting to hear if this VA thing will go through.
i may get to go back to school spring 2010...
and it's another thing that gets me all worked up.
i want to do it.
i am excited to go.
i LOVE school supplies.
but i am 33 freaking years old.
& i kinda feel like
"what's the point?".

i dont deal well with change.

4 comments:

island girl said...

girl..glad to see you blogging again!! sounds like much has been happening...hugs...and it doesn't really matter your age..you can re-invent yourself anytime you want...there's no age ceiling on learning! xoxox! miss you!

Katrina said...

I've missed you.

My Mom graduated from college at age 46. And I'm thinking of going back...so maybe we can complain about homework together.

Kara said...

hey, we can study together! :)

Josy said...

sometimes you DO need to be selfish... because after all... you have to take care of yourself first (remember - oxygen mask on yourself before the children?). Same principle! :) I do hope school happens in your future... that's very exciting! and I so relate to your camera "neglect"... I was right there with ya! Hang in there, my cyber-friend... hang in there!