Wednesday, November 7, 2007

isn't it pretty to think so?

i love that line.
it's from evening
which i thought was a good story to tell,
but that's it.

recently, i started thinking again.
about all of the things that people see/do/think.

the holidays are upon us.
and i am not speaking to my mother
at the moment.

i was thinking how stupid i was to think that
this was all i wanted.
to move "home".
i thought life would be perfect.
the kids could live near their grandparents
and i could visit with family and we'd all sit
around the table at holidays and enjoy each other's


from the outside in, the holidays are a
wonderful, exciting time.
but i think it only
seems that way
if you're looking through the frosted window
into a warm room lit by the christmas tree.
the smiling faces
just moments before were probably
yelling at one another
for being selfish
or just plain
annoying in general.

i'm just sayin.

but i'm a big girl.
i will figure this out
and live with the choices i've made.

so this is the art that happened after all of that thinking was done:

and then this:

because i need to catch up on em's challenges,

and because i need to end this post on a happier note!!


*~*Jocelynne*~* said...

i kind of know what you mean. when i first moved out and got married, holidays were hard for me. i was homesick. longing for my family and my traditions and everything.

it took me a few years to realize that i wasn't homesick at all. we didn't have any traditions. unless you count my mom yelling at us not to bump any christmas decorations. or to watch the boring nutcracker on tv. we didn't do stuff as family. we didn't have happy childhoods. we didn't have traditions.

none that i should miss anyway.

my point is that what i called homesickness was actually just that my new home was different. and i realized different didn't have to mean bad, or good, just different. once i realized that, things got a lot better for me.

things are different than what you thought they would be. that's pretty normal. no one has that norman rockwell family. it doesn't exist. so, you do the best you can. that's all anyone can ask of you.

hth! sometimes what i'm trying to say doesn't come out very clear.


Katrina said...

holidays put the fun in dysfunctional.

I always miss living near family b/c I have it in my head that we'd have some cozy wonderful holiday. The reality is that I would be worried constantly, everyone would hope that some people took their meds, and my dad would be bitter b/c my mom doesn't let him drink.

Becky R.T. said...

If it makes you feel any better....I live less than a mile from my mother and father. My father has never met my youngest son. (who is 2 and 1/2) I always thought that my parents would adore my kids and we would live a fairy tale existence. But, I have given that up. I concentrate on my husband and kids, and screw everyone else. (not really, but you get the point, right?)